One of the things that define who we are is what we value. Values are part of our core beliefs and help guide us along in life. They tell us how we should act and how to make the decisions that we make.

When we are young our families teach us what values should be important to us. This moral code gets deeply ingrained into our system of beliefs and helps us stay on a path while we mature. When we get a little older, we start to examine these family values and figure out which ones make sense for us as adults and which ones don’t. That is called growing up. Unfortunately or fortunately, people that grow up in the same house don’t always keep or discard the same values and when they figure out what values matter to them as adults, they don’t always agree. Having different core values then your siblings doesn’t have to be looked at as a bad thing.

Sharing the things that we believe in and the way that we live our lives with our nieces and nephews regardless of whether or not these are values that are shared by their parents, is actually a gift that you are giving to the next generation of your family. Let’s say that one of your core values is caring for the environment but your brother and sister in law drive big SUVs and don’t recycle. This could be a source of conflict in your family- if you choose to make it one. If however, you opt for the constructive approach, you can easily expose your brother’s children to your way of life and what you do for the environment without painting it as better or worse than their parent’s choices. Telling them why you drive a hybrid car, why you use reusable bags at the grocery store and why you have all those curly light bulbs in your house actually does double duty for those children. It teaches them a different perspective and also lets them understand you, a person who they love.

This sort of learning is very different than trying to teach your nieces and nephews different behavior. We all know that to maintain family harmony we have to be really careful about how we discipline our siblings’ children. What I am talking about here is sharing wisdom and of giving our next generation the gift of our stories so that they understand why we feel strongly about the things that we care about.

Some advice on values:

Take the time to examine what is really a core value for you.

Figure out what you would like to teach your nieces and nephews about this passion of yours.

Make sure to teach them in a way that is completely respectful of their parents’ way of life.

Be proud that you are giving the next generation the gift of your wisdom. Different perspectives help make our lives richer.